google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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