...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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