My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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