I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's the barista slut.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
