You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
