I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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