I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
