By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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