The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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