You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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