The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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