i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
