Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
