I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
