I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
