I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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