God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
