cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
