Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
