Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
