remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
