that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
