I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He has the fingertips of a God
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