Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
