When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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