We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
