She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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