She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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