I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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