I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
