walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
