Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
