I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So much rum. So many feels.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
