I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
