what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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