is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize