Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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