he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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