nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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