I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He shit in the fireplace
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
