i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
