I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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