bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
