How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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