she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
