My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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