so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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