you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
