I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
