Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
