I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
two words: eviction party
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
