After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
