He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
