david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
