but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
