fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize