Kiss
Puke
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
