i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
